“We need someone who knows how to win ugly in a paddock,” Daley insists
In a stunning return to the top job, Laurie Daley, newly reinstated as coach of the New South Wales Blues following a last-minute reshuffle at NSWRL headquarters, has made his first shock move: calling up Junee local and part-time tiler Kyle “Meat Tray” Halverson to fill the void left by injured playmaker Mitch Moses.
Moses suffered a calf strain during Blues camp recovery drills (“ironically during downward dog,” one insider noted), leaving the coaching staff scrambling for a replacement ahead of Origin II in Perth.
Enter Halverson — a 27-year-old who hasn’t played above Group 9 level but “has a great right-to-left spiral pass and a deep hatred of Queensland,” according to Daley.
“I’ve coached Origin before, I’ve lost Origin before, and I can tell you this — Kyle has that country footy blood. He’s not afraid of pain, mud, or aggressive parrots,” Daley told a room full of confused reporters outside the Junee IGA.
Halverson, whose football résumé includes “Player’s Player – Reserves, 2019” and a 4-year streak of winning the club meat tray, said he’s honoured. “Look, I was already planning to watch the game with the boys at the pub. Now I’ll just be playing in it instead.”
When asked about game prep, Halverson said: “Daley sent me the game plan via voice memo. It just said ‘kick early and tackle everything that moves.’ I reckon I’m sweet.”
Queensland coach Billy Slater reportedly laughed for a full 90 seconds when informed of the selection.
Disclaimer:
This article is entirely fictional and satirical. Laurie Daley is not currently coaching the NSW State of Origin team, Mitch Moses’ status is speculative, and Kyle “Meat Tray” Halverson is a fictional creation. All events, quotes, and scenarios are intended for comedy and entertainment. Please don’t plan your Origin tips around this.
